Giving opinions on a podcast with a lawyer

The task was to watch an almost 3-hour podcast with an American divorce lawyer in English and to comment his ideas. Doing quote unquoute preventative maintenance in a marriage, falling into a death spiral, embracing any part of yourself, feeling beyond thrilled, getting effusively upset, having redeeming qualities, reciprocating, and being effusively loving — what else?!

“My highest noblest goal is my children meaning reproduction for the sake of reproduction” how far do you agree?

I guess regarding having children as the noblest goal stems from the same fear from which stems the desire to have an outstanding career, or to be the most beautiful woman, or to visit as many countries as possible, or to learn as much as you can. We all are just scared to death to look inside ourselves and find out that all these goals are artificial. No possible achievement can provide us with love because we don’t actually have to do anything to deserve it.

The solution could be to stop proving anything to anybody and to mindfully live every single day of your life admiring how beautiful it is and keeping its impermanence in mind. Then, if children is what makes you happy, you should have them. Or embrace any part of yourself that makes you feel beyond thrilled.

“It is a whole lot easier to maintain a healthy weight that to gain 100 pounds and figure out how to lose it”. Sounds great but do you a have a slippage in any sphere of life where you don’t follow this advice?

It's generous to think that there are people who don’t have a slippage in any sphere of their lives, and of course I am not an exception.

I always try to be incredibly prolific and do an impossible number of tasks, often being dismissive of something really nice in my life. Sometimes I get effusively upset by some minor issues and then fall into a death spiral of irritation.

But what lets me down the most is when I have engineered something and then it doesn’t follow my plan.

I think that I need more levity and that seeing my own blind spots I should bring logic to this equation and pay more attention to my thoughts to get them under control before they start to plague me.

“Intelligence is hard to define but I can spot stupid a mile away”. Do you recall a situation that was shouting stupid?

No, and in the event that I did I would not mention it because I have been trying really hard not to concentrate on something that makes me want to make pejorative comments about other people or their behavior. It’s easy to excessively judge other people and see their blind spots being totally oblivious of their redeeming qualities.

“Invest now in candor and in listening to the other person in a non-defensive manner”. How do you break it down?

Being a very straightforward person, I always articulate all that bothers me before it starts to plague me and I go into a death spiral of irritation. I am never dismissive of my husband’s or my own feelings or needs and I genuinely believe that a marriage can function well only if you do this quote unquote preventative maintenance.

“Don’t let your spouse and children eclipse who you are”. How do you get out of this trap?

My husband has always been trying to give me some time and space after our son was born, and I’ve been reciprocating for him. Even when our son was a few months old both me and my husband had several hours per day to be alone taking turns in taking care of the baby.

Also we always have time for just the two of us. Despite effusively loving our pre-planned (we had planned even the month we wanted the baby to be born) child really much, we always remember that we are a couple in the first place and not only parents and engineer our life in a reasonable way. I believe, most of the problems in a family with children stem from the plaguing delusion that you should regard the child as the noblest priority because of which parents’ needs are ostracized.

“Tradition is pure pressure exerted by dead people”. Does it speak to you?

It does because one of my greatest astonishments stems from the fact that a lot of people never really think about what they need and what they want, undertaking some serious steps only because it’s tradition. For example, I never really wanted to have a wedding party and thank God my husband-to-be shared my opinion, so we registered and celebrated it just the two of us without any fear of being ostracized by any relatives. Empty barrels make the most noise, so a great wedding doesn’t promise you a good marriage.

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